I can’t even put into words how much I miss you. The pain, the hurt, the lonliness is indescribable. Why did you leave me? Why didn’t I know the acuteness of the situation? Was i asleep while you were dying? You know I would have done anything. I would have been there right beside you. I would have been fighting for you. I didn’t know. I didn’t know that night would be your last. I didn’t know you would sit down and never wake up. I just didn’t know, but I don’t think you did either. I tried, but each time I think a small part of me gave up. I knew I couldn’t do it anymore. I knew it had to be you. But you didn’t want it and I don’t know why. I remember you looking at me and saying, ‘ do you think i want to be this way”? I know you didn’t, you were so ashamed to even look at me. I always loved you, even during those times. The times you were at your deepest and darkest. Nothing ever changed my love for you. I think you knew that deep down in your heart, even when you said otherwise. I hope you did. I hope you felt it even though I wasn’t beside you that morning. I hope you felt it all the way to heaven.
Published by hopethroughthestorms
I am a mom and a nurse. I love Jesus, coffee and naps. I have a heart for missions and I believe God has a purpose for my life and in order to live out that purpose, I must first walk through a very dark valley of healing. My hope is this blog will help me to do that and if it helps someone else in the process, then we only have God to give the glory to. I am ready for all he has planned for me. View all posts by hopethroughthestorms